So many emotions, conversations real and imagined, relational in's and out's, and second guessing has transpired over these past several months. All of them, for good or bad, have combined to place us at this moment in time. We find ourselves at the end of Summer, leaning expectantly into the promise of Fall. The question pressing on me right this moment, at a cafe in Madrona, is whether or not we are in a better place than we were earlier in this journey. As the year began, it was apparent that we were entering in to the 9 month birthing process that would lead us to the Fall emergence that had been pressed on our hearts from the beginning. Usually, in the birth process, it takes 9 months for a life to strengthen and prepare itself for life outside of the womb. Ironically, as the time draws near, there is a tendency to feel more protective of and less secure about the life contained within. There is also a tendency to just want the process over and the life to arrive. I used to not appreciate the "birth" terminology in the context of beginning a new church. This experience has changed me...in ways I am sure that I have still not realized and may not be aware of. I have to admit that I have found these birth parallels in the process of "birthing" a church to be painfully true.
So I worry. I worry about the fragility of something that could be gone like a vapor. I worry about the people who are part of this ... For the sacrifices that they make, for the expectations that may or not be met, for being willing to follow a vision without necessarily having the first hand encounter with it. (Think Noah's wife). I worry about people who have wandered off, and I worry about whether we can encourage more to join us. Will we be strong enough without them... The numbers I mean, at least the numbers that I feel we must have for a "healthy" delivery. I look out about 6 weeks and I worry that we are not strong enough for the rest of the journey...but then I remember, so do all who have parented before me. There is nothing left to do now but trust in the one who has led us here to this point. There is nothing left to do now but pray for and through these last few weeks.
