For any of you who are under the illusion that I really know what I'm doing in this recently chosen path of church planting in Seattle, let me give you a bit of insight into the inner workings of my spirit. Most days I have no idea what I am doing it or why I was chosen to do it. Far be it from me to put myself into the life of one of our heroes of faith, but if I could, then I guess I could compare it a bit to God's discussion with Abram ... "Go the land that I will show you". That about sums it up. I didn't and continually don't have much more direction than that. Let me break it down a bit: "Go" is indicative of the timing, as in right now. And "to the land I will show you" gives an indication of direction/location. The problem is there is not much in the way of "How". If you read through the rest of the story, you'll spend most of your time thinking "he did what?" when it comes to Abram, soon to be Abraham's actions over the course of the rest of his journey to follow the "Go " part.
I will be honest that sometimes, in the dark quiet of the morning, when I have my time alone with the one who said "Go", that my fears poured out all center around those who will ultimately play armchair quarterback when looking upon the details and logistics of my journey to "the land I will show you". What will they think? How will I be remembered? How will I justify this, that, or any other decision that I make? In times of confidence I realize that just as Abram was called to "go", so was I the one who was called to "go". I have little to no right to look upon his story with anything other than amazement that God could use the broken wanderings of a follower to accomplish anything. In the same way I take confidence that neither does anyone have that right in watching my own journey. Now don't get me wrong, this isn't meant to imply that I'm immune to correction or advice. It just means that I don't have to wonder what others who haven't walked in my shoes might think about the steps that I take in those shoes.
This morning I was reading a
blog post from someone I have come to greatly appreciate over the last few years. It was a great example of what ultimately could be seen as either a tragedy or a victory for the local church. It all depends on how you look at it. I decided to share it with my friends in Facebook land to get their response. I was hoping to create a constructive and thought provoking dialogue. Instead it got mired down in the same timeless arguments that have come to symbolize much of what's been criticized about our kind. I, being in a city like Seattle, and desperately trying to love and value every individual as bearers of God's image, read this post about a church not all that far from here through very different lenses. I will be honest, I was terrified of what I read. Please take a moment to go back and read the post and then you may understand where I am coming from. It doesn't end well. Don't make the mistake of getting caught up in the issue as, lets be honest, the issue in question could be, and has been, exchanged for any number of issues over the years. The longer I walk this path, the more I have peace in my heart that the only issue that should ever be at stake within a worshipping body of Jesus followers is Jesus himself. The only question that I, as a pastoral artist, should be aiming at a heart is "Who is Jesus to you?". The beauty of my calling, if I allow it, is simply to introduce people to Jesus. I am not a healer, I cannot offer penance even though I have Catholic roots. People need to see Jesus in me and I need to see people to Jesus. He can do whatever heavy lifting that he see's necessary. He certainly did it and continues to do it with me.
Some who are reading this will now undoubtedly begin to discount me as being surface, soft, a universalist, whatever. I certainly have theological and doctrinal opinions. I have a graduate degree to demonstrate that I have had to put some decent thought and money into acquiring them. But lets be honest, despite anyone's theological and doctrinal convictions, this story that I am talking about did not turn out well... or at least it didn't appear to. A vibrant ministry is now gone as a result of one of the same disputes that we as Jesus people have regularly day in and day out. Good people of faith on each side were at an impasse. You may not agree, but I can see life from both sides. Each was between a rock and a hard place. My decision, had it been mine to make, would have angered some. Fortunately it wasn't mine to make ... at least not yet. Before anyone gets critical of the "issue", try to look into the hearts of the people involved. It's a lonely place to be, but one that we are sometimes called to be. I was reminded by my son in a conversation today about this piece. He said "Dad, you always taught us to stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone". I am OK with that I guess...mostly because I am confident that ultimately I won't be alone.
As we prepared lunches for city school children and other food for a neighborhood food bank, I was struck by the enormity of their influence and the passion. They do so much with so little while operating far out of the mainstream and spotlight. They struggle, as do so many other groups, connecting people to the idea of "doing good". In 20 years of leading established churches, and for these past 8 months leading a new church, I know the struggle too well. In fact, if I could offer a moment of honesty and vulnerability, I would say that there is nothing as crushing to me as apathy to the cause of "doing good" especially when it comes to doing it in the name of Jesus. If anything would cause me to quit this life and go do something else, it would be an inability to inspire, lead, and help engage people in caring enough about the living out of their own faith proclamation that the natural outflow would be to give a rip about the world that they've been called to live into. 
